Good Morning! ☀️

I hope this headline doesn’t startle you.

I’m not sick, but I’ve been feeling that my environment is holding me back.

Killing my spirit and my health.

Today’s piece is about coping with the ailments of city living, and the changes necessary for personal growth.

We can all relate to plateaus in our lives, so hopefully my brutal honesty speaks to a feeling that is familiar to you.

New York City is Slowly Killing Me 💀

Part One: Origins 🌎

New York City made me who I am.

I was born in the jagged cracks between slabs of concrete, seasoned by a wild dust of bold personalities and misplaced souls, and forged by cold steel stacked above roaring subway tunnels.

Sound dramatic? New York City has its way of making life feel like a movie, and the eccentric characters of the five boroughs would tell you the same thing. 

We’re a crazed bunch, roughed up by endless days of work and long nights of spiritually creative endeavors, constantly challenged by all four seasons.

To be to native to New York is to be a surviving soldier of a city at war with itself, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love New York City for this unusual urban baptism.

But this place is slowly draining all the juice left in my battery.

The Problem ¿

The madhouse that once supercharged my spirit is dimming.

The people who warmed my soul like chicken soup are spreading thin.

The identity of the city I knew is lost, co-opted, dissembled, past due, left for dead, re-branded and perverted, castrated and subdued, suffocated and starved of culture. 

Performance has replaced togetherness, and image has evicted reputation.

Conformity, (a true New Yorker’s nightmare) is the new gold standard of the hopeful newcomer with big city dreams of … who knows what. 

What made New York City was its people, and since the people can no longer afford to live in it, the city is a husk – a flimsy idea propped up by foreign investment,  influencer culture, consumerism, and shadowy, blood-stained cash. 

Plus, it’s really loud all the time, smells bad, and people are rude and negative for no good reason.

Hear some of my thoughts on the dissolution of NYC’s community in the video above 📺

Where Am I Going? 🗺️

I finally understand what the critics were warning about all those years. “Los Angeles will kill your soul,” they’d say. “But New York City will kill your body.”

And I’m feeling that on a deep level.

My soul has no problem. I have purpose, faith, and multiple communities and loved ones. I am clearly in line with my intended path. Sorry LA folks … 

But my body on the other hand ….

Let’s just say that I have had my fair share of city-related ailments.

I’ve had enough breaking down of my body. I deserve better. My peace requires a shift.

And I think I’ve found where that peace is waiting. Where I truly belong …

It’s a place away from the grueling strain of sirens, the incessant pounding of drilling and construction – a place far away from rats with strong appetites and daredevilsh antics. 

I’ve found place where I can be truly at peace.

That place is Weehawken, New Jersey.

I took a spontaneous trip out there last week. I was pushed to do something different, encouraged by a biting sense of stagnation and monotony of being in the city on another Saturday night.

Strolling through the quiet residential streets, greeted by canopies of sprawling trees and curious house cats, I felt something funny.

There was a disconnection between my edgy, racing heart and forward-thinking mind, and the dimly-lit set of houses where time seemed to stand entirely still.

Slowly but surely, I molded to the vibe. I matched the pace. My nervous system quieted. There were no thoughts present – simply observations. Peace.

Man’s Search For Peace 🧘🏾‍♂️

I often long for this feeling of peace. Not necessarily euphoria, or even glee, but peace.

It’s a feeling that seems to live within us as children, naturally, and slowly dissipates as we experience taxing and stressful events as we journey through life.

Life goes on, and we become bitter and jaded as our reality develops, but that doesn’t mean all hope for peace is lost. In fact, I believe one of the meanings of life is the pursuit of peace.

This idea tracks with several ancient ideologies and religious ideals, where peace, stillness and a sense of completion is the end goal.

Nirvana, Heaven, Valhalla – they all represent something where the perils of life are no more.

A point where suffering cannot exist, because the strife of existence has concluded. The storybook has been written.

We don’t have to suffer to achieve peace. We don’t have to die gruesomely like the vikings to feel glorious, we don’t have to endure torture at a Nazi concentration camp to find meaning, and we don’t have to live a possession-less life like Buddha to achieve peace on Earth.

All we have to do is find peace within.

Or, move to Weehawken …

I’ve noticed that with peace and stillness, my mind and body is calmer, and therefore I feel better. I love deeper. I’m more productive and content with my work. Go figure … 

But at just 28 years old, with my entire life ahead of me, my big aspirations are in the way of my peace. My entire mission lay ahead. I still have to escape Hell’s Kitchen. 

Stubborn City Boy 🙅🏽‍♂️

Well, am I ever gonna leave New York? People often ask me this. 

I guess my vibe evokes “New York through and through” so strongly that it begs the question.

For a long time, the answer was no. A swift, undeniable, how-could-you-ever-ask-that-question kind of no.

My entire identity was attached to the city. I couldn’t even picture myself elsewhere. I’d ask a million questions to dispel the idea.

 “Where would I meet new people? What would there be to eat? How would I get around? Is there even anything to do outside of New York?”

“I’d probably die of boredom …”

Even traveling outside of the city for longer than a few days built up a tonic anxiety about being back home. Attachment issues 🥴

Everything else felt like a downgrade, a cheap imitation, or a lesser alternative to New York’s endless novelty and charm.

But now, the truth is that my being extends far outside of this place. 

I feel like New York is just my starting place. Home plate, and I’m just now ready to round the bases.

What do we play the game for, if not to take the risk of abandon? The journey is the destination, and the story is told by the changes that are made, so how could I end my movie at Act One?

The human race is set to endure dramatic, unrecognizable changes over the coming years. I can’t possibly stay in the same place during all of that.

My soul craves more.

To elevate to new heights, I believe one must positively manipulate their surrounding environment to better suit their needs and desires, or separate from the environment if it no longer serves them.

Outside of extreme, intentional discipline, it seems that this is the only way to break the cycles of repetition that plagues many New Yorkers from day one.

There’s only one way out, and it’s to ghost this city entirely.

So, What Now? 🛣️

I’m not moving to Weehawken or anything. At least, for now. 

My visit there just showed me that I was missing something – a peaceful environment – and that I can live both in peace and within reach of the city just 10 minutes away through the Lincoln Tunnel. 

It also showed me that all the hate that New Yorkers throw at New Jersey is (partially) unwarranted. Y’all do have some cool spots, after all.

Seeing Hell’s Kitchen and Times Square from afar was a trip, giving me a literal and figurative perspective shift – comfortable distance from something safe and familiar, proving to myself that the city will always be there, even if I’m not.

I love New York, and always will, but my goodness do I need a break.

My body needs a break. And so does my warp-speed mind. If I can take a step back from the city, and still be within reach of the places and people I love within it, I’ll take that deal any day of the week.

From where I stand now, my best option is to lean into the things that bring me temporary peace, and to cultivate more love for myself and others.

Love is a healing medicine, and its available in unlimited amounts. Why conserve it?

The more we give, and the more we love, the more the mind and body is at peace, signaling that everything is going to be alright.

I hope you are inspired to find peace within you today.

It’s closer than you might realize.