I. MUSTARRRDDD (The Greatest Condiment Of All Time) 🌭

II. [PAID] Have You Laughed Lately? 😆 

MUSTARRRRDDDDD 🌭

The game itself devolved into a chaotic mess. During commercial breaks, corporations and desperate celebrities failed to entertain for our dollar.

Dysfunction all about.

As the host, I felt the building pressure of snack provisions to stave off the grief.

Instead of the typical wings, finger foods and endless bowls of chips and dip, I opted to share healthy options with my patrons.

Yeah, I’m that guy. The brand should be pretty obvious by now.

Anyway, the spread included fruits, nuts and zero-calorie seltzers among other refreshments. 

One of my friends decided to order food from a lunch/bowl spot (not to be named until I get a sponsor) in my neighborhood. 

Full of fresh veggies, grains, and chicken for protein, the bowl had everything – except sauce. There may be nothing worse than a plate without that punch a sauce can bring.

That’s when I brought out the mustard.

Art credit to: Ali Graham

Relishing in the opportunity, I eagerly shared something I learned about health and nutrition, seizing the stage from the fledgling Kansas City Chiefs to proclaim the wonders of mustard.

It was good timing, since the zero-calorie condiment has made its way into several dishes I’ve prepared over the last few months.

That’s because it has a bold, unique flavor with versatility that powers up pretty much any dish. 

Most sauces and salad dressings will run you at least 100 calories, including unnecessary fat and dreaded added sugars. Other weird stuff too.

A salad transforms from boring to irresistible once mustard is added. Try it for yourself and see.

Olive oil and vinegar are limited in how much they can help a salad. There just isn’t that zest you’re looking for. 

My friend realized this once he doused his bowl in Dijon.

“Yo, send me the link to this sauce,” he told me very seriously. 

“It’s just Dijon mustard,” I replied, unable to conceal my grin. 

“Just send me the link,” was his final decry.

And so I did. Now, I’m sharing it with you. 

I realized later on that others could benefit from this sacred knowledge: sauce doesn’t need to be expensive!

Expensive in calories or in dollars — sauce brands sell their stuff for around $10 a bottle if it’s good.

This is a secret hidden in plain sight — several lauded salad dressings and sauces use Dijon/yellow mustard as a base.

The trick here is to make your own, cutting costs and unnecessary fillers in the ingredients. You can also just use it alone.

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp Dijon mustard

• 3 tbsp apple cider vinegar (ACV)

• ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)

• 1 tsp honey (optional for balance/sweetness)

• 1 small garlic clove, minced (optional)

• Salt & pepper to taste

I use this on salads, cooked vegetables and any protein I eat. It dips well with chips or whatever else you eat, honestly.

It has helped me cut down on calories without sacrificing taste.

Once I found out about the benefits of mustard, (see below) I doubled down on my love for it.

🫐 Rich in Antioxidants – Helps fight inflammation and may reduce disease risk.

🔥 Boosts Metabolism – Spicy compounds support fat burning and digestion.

♥️ Heart Health – May lower bad cholesterol (LDL) and improve circulation.

🌬️ Anti-Inflammatory – Helps with joint pain, muscle soreness, and congestion.

🩸 Regulates Blood Sugar – May improve insulin sensitivity and energy levels.

👩‍🦰 Good for Skin & Hair – Promotes scalp health, reduces dandruff, and supports wound healing.

🤧 Clears Congestion – Acts as a natural decongestant for colds and respiratory issues.

💪🏽 Supports Immunity – Contains selenium and zinc for immune defense.

• Selenium

• Magnesium / Calcium

• Manganese / Iron

• Vitamins A, B6, C, Folate

• Omega-3

Mustard isn’t the lesser-brother to ketchup. It’s the quirky older cousin with a tangy side you never knew about. Now you understand the hype.

Laugh Liberally; It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over ⛅️

I just realized that I haven’t laughed in over 24 hours.

Instead of finding humor, irony and narrative in the happenings of life, I chose to relish in the familiar feeling of dread, misery and self-pity.

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